HIV & life …

There has been a lot of energy and talk on the subject of HIV and aging. I have written about it myself in past blogs but I can’t help but think about all of the HIV and (fill in the blanks) that happens in the life & times of a person living with HIV/AIDS. If anything, aging is the one certainty in the life for most all of us and now also for people living with HIV/AIDS. I do understand the fascination if you will because there was a time not so very long ago when the word aging would not have been associated in any way with HIV/AIDS.
Aging, illness, stigma, addiction, there are many things that do or can be a part of the process of life with HIV. I have personally dealt with chronic illness, addiction and multiple losses. So it is safe to say that during the life of a person living with HIV/AIDS there will almost always be something on top of or alongside of that.
That’s how life works.
I hesitate to jump on any one bandwagon and instead prefer to remain in the category of HIV and life; but life, regardless of what noun you attach to it does go on. I find the irony almost unbearable when a few months back I learned of the murder of two colleagues of mine. The irony being of course that while my life goes on theirs was abruptly and brutally ended.
When one is diagnosed with HIV, be it today or 30 years ago one of the first things that travel through your racing brain is your own mortality. OMG I’m going to die, how long do I have? What am I to do? I need to get my shit together. The thoughts at that most crucial moment are endless but I can assure you that my friends never once thought about being murdered in their own home by someone they knew and took in. Yet they were.
Unlike the multitude of workshops, conferences and webinars that abound in this work there will never be a workshop on HIV and life, because there can’t be. There may be many “how to” books on many things and certainly lots of advice from well-meaning individuals and those who just think they have all the answers but as we tend to learn in life there are no handbooks and answers often beg more questions.
The trial is pending so I will refrain from the sharing of any details but I will share with you that these two kind souls had been through the ringer in a manner of speaking when it comes to life. They both had struggled for many years with substance use, experiencing homelessness and among other things a diagnosis of HIV They had all but been shunned from some of their family members because of their many struggles.
One day … because of their own hard work and undeniable courage that all started to change.
They found their worth, their voice and their strength. They found their community and the community found them. A degree in social work and many hours spent working in community brought recognition and reward to these two who had done so much for so many and come so far.
And then …
Death is a part of life and that is by no means a profound statement, We all die. There seems to be more of an injustice here at least in my eyes. To struggle most all of your life, then you finally figure shit out and someone pulls the rug out from under you is just unfair … it’s incredibly sad and most certainly wrong.
I will miss them and always remember them, that’s all I can do … life goes on.

Robert Newman